girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
