my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
