She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
