he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
