first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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