just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
