Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize