You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
