I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
