i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
