If that was your dad, he is hot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
