Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
