Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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