You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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