i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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