just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
