His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
