yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
