i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
