Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
