problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
