Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
