I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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