i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
