...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
