You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
