I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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