Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
