Just took my morning after pill in the library
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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