I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
