but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
