She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
