I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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