shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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