no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
