"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
