what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Mom said you looked used
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
