just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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