Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
