Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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