i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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