i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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