so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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