she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
