just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
