the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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