Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
