My sheets look like a crime scene.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
