In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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