8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
