TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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