Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
