the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
