i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
