I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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