my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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