and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
