Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
