I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
