everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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