What a fucking waste of an outfit
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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