so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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