All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
