Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
