This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
