So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
