I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
