i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
