The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
