I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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