just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
