Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
