just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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